DOES IT HAVE TO BE DIFFICULT TO LOVE YOURSELF?
This question was asked on the page of Anita Moorjani who had a powerful near death experience and whose message is for people to love themselves. "Why is is so difficult to love oneself?...Or does it have to be difficult?... I was trying it for years! I was following Louise Hay's philosophy and exercises and never got results. Sometimes I think this only made me love myself less."
It's such a profound question and one that I hear ALL THE TIME by students who come to LifePath after trying many other self help strategies, new age "spirituality lite" and psychoanalysis. Here is how I respond to that question:
It IS difficult for most people to love themselves because most people have a deep abandonment wound from childhood. Parents who do not love unconditionally (which the majority do not) create an abandonment wound so deep that people spend their entire life with a subconscious belief that they are actually not worthy. So no matter how hard they try to convince themselves otherwise, it doesn't work long term. They may go to a motivational seminar, leave pumped, create a new plan, only to find themselves back at square one emotionally.
Most parents at best - abandon their child every time they don't respond to a cry, every time they are unable to meet the needs of the child, if the parents divorce etc... And those are the "good" parents. Then of course there are the emotionally abusive, alcoholic, workaholic, emotionally distant, physically abusive, absent, etc... parents, and total abandonment of adoption. These wounds do not just go away.
They are highly unlikely to heal from the self-help spirituality because they those recommendations don't address core wounding. The wounding has to be healed in order for you to see you ARE worthy of loving yourself. You ARE inherently perfect.
Anita was blessed with her NDE and can reveal a beautiful truth and good news to share. But you still need to peel back your own layers. I know because I have spent most of my adult life trying to "convince" people that they are worthy of loving themselves. I knew this as having parents whose love for me was/is fully unconditional. The love I received from my human father was an identical mirror to the love from Goddess/God, Mother/Father. So I have always loved myself completely, and thought it would be so easy to just share that good news with others. It's not. Far from it. Most people fight it, doubt it, and do not believe it. Most people reject that message and are very leery of it because their self hate is so deep.
But the good news is that it IS entirely possible for YOU to fully love yourself. For YOU to see your perfection. For YOU to be so sure of who you truly ARE (not your ego identity) that no one or nothing can diminish your self-worth. It IS possible to get rid of the beliefs picked up in childhood that you needed to DO something to deserve love (get a good grade, look a certain way, speak a certain way, do well in a sport, a musical instrument etc...). You just need a process that helps you reveal your deepest wounds, and allows you to examine, and then heal them.
Some processes like deep psychoanalysis will allow you to uncover your wounds. But it is there that many people remain stuck. They allow the wounds to become their identity, their story.
The process can't be intellectual. It can't be mind based, because the ego will stop you from progressing. The closer you get to true healing, the harder the ego will pull you away, back to what is comfortable. Healing is not comfortable. Jumping from self-hate to self-love requires a journey period of facing your truth. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? There's nothing more valuable in an entire lifetime than to uncover the truth of who you ARE. www.lifepathmanifesting.com