THERAPY AND THE INNER CHILD
All of us are going through life from the wounded inner child. The inner child makes over 95% of your daily decisions (also referred to as your subconscious), until you heal that part of yourself.
Sadly a lot of today's "therapy" focuses on simply changing behaviors so that you "feel better". So for example, if you are constantly frustrated because your spouse is a slob and you keep asking them to pick up the clothes from the floor, behavior based therapy will ask you "what can you do to change that so you are not so frustrated all the time". And, one of those suggestions might be to hire a maid, or pick up the clothes yourself, just so you are not always frustrated. That can have a short term benefit on some level of reducing personal frustration. Continually being frustrated about the same things never changes it.
But the huge problem with this bandaid method is that it never seeks to uncover WHY clothes on the floor is so very bothersome to you. And this bandaid method never seeks to uncover WHY your spouse is leaving clothes all over the floor never picking up after himself.
True healing can only come about when you understand the WHY.
You have to uncover the reason for why you are doing what you are doing. Through journey work, you may uncover the fact that one of your parents was rather messy by nature, and the other parent was constantly complaining about that. You may uncover that your mom based her affection towards you based on whether you cleaned your room or not. You may uncover that your house was frequently messy due to an alcoholic parent, and the messy house was symbolic for you of insecurity, violence and instability.
The prevailing model of therapy today is not unlike traditional medical care (sick care truthfully). 5 people can walk in with a headache, and a doctor is trained to treat the symptom - the headache. Never truly understanding that there are likely 5 entirely different reasons the person has the headache...the goal being, simply to get rid of the headache. That's the "medicate or operate" medical model. Same with a tumor. 5 tumors, 5 different reasons why they developed, but the medical establishment has the same answer "cut poison and burn"...in other words, get rid of it.
But as most people with a headache or cancer will tell you - it comes back. And in modern therapy, if you start picking up the clothes yourself, or hire the maid, that will get rid of a symptom in the short term. The clothes won't be on the floor and you won't be frustrated. But your wounds will then manifest in another area of your relationship, as will your spouses. Wounds need an outlet. If you cut off one outlet, they will find another. The inner child will continue to run your life until it gets what it wants - true healing.
So is that the life you want? A life in which you are constantly extinguishing symptoms? And keep in mind, symptoms are not only physical - they can be emotional - like in the frustration example above, and they can also be spiritual.
If you want true lasting peace, happiness and joy, you have to uncover the parts of your life journey that created the behaviors you see today. Once you understand them, you can stop letting them control you. You are able to observe them from your "adult" self. You can intervene before the inner child makes decisions that harm you.
Remember too that it's not about trying to dismiss your wounds or make them go away. They are similar to scars on your body. They can heal, and they absolutely do not define who you ARE, but they will always be a part of the journey that helped you get to where you are today. They are a piece of your history, left where they belong, in the past.