The ultimate healing comes when we truly love ourselves. But it's a phrase thrown around so much that it has lost meaning, and now is borderline cliche without meaning. It's important to first understand, that not everyone wants to love themselves. That can be hard to grasp, but it is true.
I have had people flat out tell me that: they can't, they won't, they don't want to. They WANT to remain in their pain story, either consciously or unconsciously.
So the first step towards "love yourself" is to look in the mirror and get honest. Ask yourself "am I ready to drop my pain story? My victimhood? My illness?". It's not an easy question to get honest with. If it feels like a "harsh" question, you're most likely not ready yet.
Next question: If I DO feel ready to drop my pain story, am I honestly ready to let go of all I will lose along with it?
That's a key question because if your story is:
I am an alcoholic
I am a childhood abuse victim
I am a victim of narcissistic parents
I have a chronic disease
Or anything really, you will lose the identity that comes with those stories. You will lose attention, sympathy, and a whole identity. There are people who haven't touched alcohol in 20 years and still identify themselves an alcoholic "in recovery", versus those who know they ARE recovered.
The key difference is that "in recovery", presupposes you must believe you are powerless.... "Recovered" presupposes you understand fully that you DO have power, CAN fully heal, from anything. In the first instance, the pain story IS the identity. In the second instance, the pain story is no longer needed, the identity can be found in self love.
These are tough tough questions to ask and get real with. But there can't be true self-love if we insist on holding on to our pain stories - no matter what they are.
Wounding has happened to every human living on this earth, and the depth of the wounding can never be compared with another. Each persons wounding is unique to them. And we each have to go deep into the wound, acknowledge it, honor it, heal it, and then release it. Or not. It's a choice. Self-love is a choice. ❤️